Nice guys may finish last and that’s okay

IN PRIESTSCHOOL our professor said “And so, as the Lord said, in heaven “the first will be last, and the last will be first”. I asked confused “Well what happens to us poor suckers who’ve been stuck in the middle all our lives? Are we going to be stuck in the middle in heaven all over again? An eternity of mediocrity!”

At the gym, I’ve discovered the first will be first and the last can wait their turn and pray the person before them wiped their sweat off the equipment. In gyms I can rarely find an unused exercise machine or bench I want, when I want it, and when I do, somebody’s towel is across it! A towel on something in a gym says the same thing a towel on the sand at the beach says: “Don’t lie down here! I was here first!” Now you could take their towel off and put yours down, but in a gym, your chances that towel’s owner is built like a brick bathroom are above average, so I’d be leaving that towel well alone. 

So how can you make sure gym equipment is available when you want it? Well, you’ve got two options; Option A: get to the gym at 4am and, if you’re first in, you’ll be the first on any exercise equipment. Or, and my preferred option, Option B: get to the gym any time you want and bring seven towels, placing each towel on the seven exercise machines you think you’re most likely to use today. I suggest you bring towels of seven different colours thus creating the illusion that these towels belong to seven different people. 

May I also suggest you buy cheap towels as sadly gym-goers take a dim view of Option B and whenever I’ve been caught exercising this option I’ve rarely recouped all seven of my towels. However I am first at the gym to quit and thus first under a nice hot shower. But somebody always comes in after me and turns on the hot water in their shower, and who do you think now gets the lion’s share of hot water? In this technological age, I can’t believe the hot water still goes to whoever turns on the hot water tap LAST!

So I’m now musing heaven will be everybody having an eternal uninterrupted hot shower. Maybe all those paintings of people in heaven floating on clouds, aren’t clouds at all but rather all the steam from their hot showers?  Seriously, “the first will be last and the last will be first” has many applications. 

Becoming first too early and too easily can breed complacency. When I first started university I topped the faculty in Marketing 101 for the mid-semester assignment with much showing off, only to embarrassingly repeat the subject after failing the final exam by overconfidently doing zero study.

 It’s almost law that all lasting achievements were only achieved after initial failures. Perhaps being last is a prerequisite to eventually coming first. 

Among so many others, the initial failures of Thomas Edison and Henry Ford have become legendary; Tom Watson found IBM only after being sacked and a jail sentence, Sylvester Stallone wrote Rocky only after failing an audition, St Paul became the Church’s greatest apostle only after being its greatest enemy, and St Mary MacKillop did her best work only after being excommunicated for disobedience. It’s almost like they were each a rock in a slingshot.

We all have a natural attraction, even awe towards those races where the one who came first was, at one point in the race, coming last. 

When you or someone you love feels like they’re coming last in life, never give up hope. The further they stretch back in life to last position, the further God with their help and yours can slingshot them into first. 

FATHER BRENDAN LEE

Twitter: @frbrendanelee

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